i kind of want to work through insecurity through writing. like question why am i doing certain things. why do i judge myself.

what am i judging myself about right now?
- so lazy! should be getting more shit done on this day off
- a lot of the same old without getting anything real done

what inferior complex am i indulging?
- looking at thinner women
- women who are doing what they love (cutting hair, making music, going on tour, writing to a lovely fanbase)

do i just sit around and not *do* enough? what the fuck is "enough"? why can't i just ACCEPT. life is kinda hard, not crazy hard, but i can't expect to have a perfect abode if i am working full-time and my husband is working full-time and we have two young kids and i need sleep.

BUT i want to have a home with artwork, i want to be thinner, i want to be cooking, i want to be a famous blogger, a famous musician. a popular friend.