why i still go to depeche mode concerts

i've always been a music fan. all the bands i loved in my formative years had a huge impact on my identity, and i still hold all of those bands in my heart dearly. sounds basic enough. however, when i am in the actual live presence of these bands, i am delighted by the realization that this connection is so extremely special to me.

last night, i saw Depeche Mode for the 8th time since 1990. right, their last SEVERAL albums barely registered in my brain. but still. being in the room with them - in the vast room that accommodates tens of thousands of people - is nothing short of amazing to me. there is Martin Gore, singing and strumming his heart out at age 56. we've done this before, but that's really him. that's the songwriter and artist i have adored for 31 years, who i've thought about nearly every day of my life. whose melodies and voice move me exquisitely. to see him (and, like, barely see him, because i'm not in the front row) makes me an unabashed giddy adorer. so much so that i am shamelessly jumping and screaming and raising my hands in awe.

yes, literally. jumping and screaming and raising my hands, singing. i know all his little backing vocal parts, little gems scattered in the Dave songs. loved seeing him run and jump and dance.

i also love being in this crew of old fans. i love arriving and seeing 45-year-olds dressed in black clothes, old DM tour shirts, showing signs of new wave/goth pasts but with gray hair and practicality thrown in.  there is this wave of togetherness that i can't easily get anywhere else. here are tens of thousands of my comrades who grew up on DM and are so excited to hear them play "Never Let Me Down Again," and who know how to do the hand waving memorialized in 101. Even a new hit like "Home" where we're singing the guitar line in unison. beautiful moments of unity.

i sound like i've drunken some kool-aid, but i don't care. i always felt a tinge of embarrassment at how much i loved DM - they are cheesy, some of the lyrics are utterly sappy and BAD, dave can be annoying but I DON'T CARE. i love them so much. and being with them, rare as it is, allows me to let down my hair and be the DM fan that i am in my heart. thank you boys, for spending the evening entertaining us. xo

i somehow feel inspired after buying those plants. the red pots do a lot for our meager deck. a lot! it's such a little thing but adds a pop, a zing. that rhymes. i like Mari Andrew's approach - you have to do this for everything. add your style to your home. to your cubicle. to your entire being. it's disheartening when i attempt to do this with my appearance but just fall flat.

loving lauren graham's book now. when i read, i become increasingly conscious of how much i haven't yet read. and get a little stressed. however, i do feel good about being into a book, and spending my commute reading. i finished Mari's book the other day. i finish books.