just a wild list of everything i want to do.

decorate the home
lose some weight
cook better
make the backyard usable
go to pinwheel garden
have dinner with RRF
have dinner with SS
have dinner with NKC
invite UD over

when things are seemingly messed up, i somehow still distance myself knowing i'm not completely accountable. maybe i don't want to be accountable. what is this limbo i relish in? not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and not wanting all the responsibility in the workplace. i enjoy the escapism of a cubicle, a corporate day life, something to give me identity and pay the bills. to give me my kicks of dressing up, buying clothes, having a commuting routine.

there was one day over the holidays, when it was so empty here, and somehow i got everything done. i don't know how i did it. i made a list of at least 10, maybe 12 things, and they ALL got done. no one interrupted me. i ate lunch.

today i was interrupted several times. i was given task upon task and yet, i still feel so behind at work. i want to know my products better. i tend to mull things over, digest, and that can take too long. i don't know if the mulling can change. all i know is that i need to take action more quickly.

but i was able to accomplish two great things - i went to the gym, and did my usual run even though i was feeling meek and weak. secondly, i went to a lean in mixer that my own company sponsored. love it.

lean in is primarily about gender equality. however i have always associated it with family balance. because men have to lean in too. so, i don't know.