when i am utterly unmotivated, i struggle with tasks. i am better with busy work, awful at other stuff that i can procrastinate. what can help in this situation? aside from perusing jcrew factory sales, modcloth shoes, mommy blogs and facebook?

making lists works pretty well for me. i love making lists, so if i incorporate this act that i enjoy, i can somehow trudge through this work that just needs to get done.

i love writing in journals. i've begun doing this in OneNote to get through ideas and stuff that needs to get sorted out.

incorporate things i enjoy. things other than fashion, chocolate and IMing with friends. i get so annoyed when friends are too busy to IM. but you know what? we don't get paid the big bucks to IM.

allergies surely put a damper on my motivation. if i wasn't so sneezy, i'd be reaching out more confidently. instead i find it awkward to speak, both because my nose is bubbly and runny, and also because my enunciation is awkwardly impacted by my stuffy nose.

but it's sunny and warm, and springy, and i just want to frolic, as always. i was robbed of my weekend, i want to enjoy it more fully. i shouldn't complain. it wasn't too bad, i spent some great time with the boy in parks, he napped, i saw acquaintances and their babies, i did some much-needed cleanup/organization, it was beautiful out. i love just strolling with him and seeing sights and smiling at people.

i get overcome with these feelings of wanting to do everything in the world. read books, see movies, go to museums, take the littlun to parks. exercise, cook. the world is your oyster, teach kindness to everyone and give back in multitude.

when the sun is shining and the air is sweet with spring warmth, i just want to do everything in the world except focus on work. i can trudge through a day, even if trudging means providing constructive feedback to my staff, or interviewing new candidates, or fighting for my team in a requirements meeting, or trying to sound serious on a conference call. i put care into my work, sure. but do i really want to be here? no.

if i could do anything right now, i would:
- babysit for my dear friend who is going through grief
- run through the park with my son
- frolic in the park with my son and my parents
- host a barbecue
- grill leeks
- get my haircut
- go for a run
- go get my foot checked
- buy gifts for everyone i know

when it comes to music, when i find music i like made by people who live near me, or are my age, i am both elated and jealous. jealous because, why am i not doing that myself? why am i not out in the music world making songs for the world? i've never quite found the right team to work with, was never good at the search. the industry.

for a while it was diiv, and lately it is santigold. i love her combination of synth, dance beats, and sometimes bittersweet melodies. and her fashion sense. there is something ugly about high fashion at times, and it is ugly in an enticing and beautiful way if that makes sense! prints that don't match are suddenly gorgeously refreshing when done right. in one video, santigold wears floral pants with matching floral shoes and a black/white tube top. it somehow works, looks effortless and modern, and awesome.

i am happy just listening to music, walking in the spring air. i could be happier if i was making music or writing with an audience. i could be happier if i didn't have to spend so much time in Outlook, Powerpoint, and managing people and projects that are not contributing to the world nor to my personal development. OK that's not entirely true - my soul is benefiting from my interactions and projects. but it does mostly suck.