this week was long and brutal, namely because we all enjoyed a decadent 4-day thanksgiving  break, complete with food, merriment, warmth and much rest. i got comfortable in that little break. i could have just gone on for a long time doing what we did. we even spent a night at my parents' house, oh so cozy, eating leftovers and dozing while watching the games.

it was a brutal week at work, busy and bustling. there is change happening and my boss was clearly ruffled, and his stresses only add to my stresses. it is so unhealthy, the effects of a cold boss on an employee. i suffered mild psychological distress from my previous boss (who traumatized troops for years before i got there), and while this new one has been mainly hands off and great, his coldness certainly clouded the early part of my week. i guess i care what they think of me. i don't do well without a little indirect feedback. a mood, a look of concern - these things have a huge affect on my overall outlook and confidence. but the thing is, i don't even care about this work very much, so why should this affect bother me? i know - i'm human. and in an inhuman environment perhaps.

are the corporate gods trying to tell me something? first i ran into my former SVP at a subway station and we rode two stops together. after my disheartening week with my boss, i was oddly comforted by this brief conversation with my former SVP. was it her mild but tough confidence in me that lifted my spirits? also the feminine touch - as unemotional as she can be i think i miss her strong feminine presence in our division. she's very edgy and cool, and i think i sort of admire the way she maintains that in her corporate world.

and THEN last night i rode the elevator with my CEO. just me and the CEO of this huge organization that employs thousands of people. as he approached the elevator banks he could tell i recognized him and so he chatted warmly which i appreciated. the same with my EVP, there is a certain people skill that comes through where they know how to respectfully communicate with you attentively, make you feel on par with them, listen brightly and extend warmth. it's stupid but i felt a bit starstruck and later i wished i had talked up myself and my team a bit more. and i second guessed what i said to him. but all in all he was very nice and it was a cool encounter.

i liked these encounters with humanity. maybe the corporate gods are trying to tell me that it's not all corporate ladders - that there is humanity i can embrace in this surreal office life. the problem is that i would rather be investing my blood, sweat & tears into efforts that boost the soul. this corporate life just doesn't equate to that.