once in a while i get hit with a feeling of inspiration and happiness. it's like a shot. i don't quite know what triggers it. perhaps it's those moments of surprise that make me keep waiting for things to just fall into my lap. i'm so lazy, and when i get squeezed and rolled out to the brink there's just no more oomph to make any effort. so i wait. i'm also oddly impatient. i count pages of a chapter, i count minutes on the treadmill. i long for the chaise, for the internet, for scramble to calgon me away. this must be why i enjoy mysteries (criminal minds, sports shows, 3-minute competitions). i struggle with getting projects done. it's a question of, how do i get my soppy work-drained brain into shape so that i can kickstart in my spare time, and find a way to escape the facade. where is there time for everything? the vegetation helps me keep sane. i don't have the physical energy for exercising all the time. i don't have the mental strength to just read a book for several hours. (or minutes, for that matter). i need to find ways to enjoy the here and now. which means that i need to incorporate inspiration into my work days. if i can do that much, i can enjoy the process.