we are so affected by the seasons, aren't we? i find that when summer rolls around i am frantically trying to ensure we have appropriate beach plans. we wind up going to the beach very early on in the season, then become disillusioned by the amount of traffic and hardship involved with schlepping. maybe we should try the mexican resort sometime.

but in the summer, the sun sets late and i am inspired to walk home. to walk more. to eat salads and light foods. maybe imbibe with some rose. light cocktails.

let me tell you what i long for. i read these blogs and those beautiful, rose-colored filters make me wish for a life with a white canvas and natural light, nothing but blissful bowls full of fresh fruit and just-harvested corn - from my own backyard. i want to make my own vinaigrette and serve it outside with friends gathered round, a basket of rolls and some wine to go around. how can we accomplish this? we can, you know.

i want to go for a 3-mile run in the morning, maybe a 5-mile bike ride the next day. decorate my kids' rooms with playful artwork and my own with sophistication. i want lamps for the living room to provide soft lighting. but better fixtures. i want the deck to be useful - for us to meander in and out casually, with screens to block mosquitoes and bees and animals.

i want to go on weekend hikes with the family. pack some sandwiches and rough it. and take pictures on some amazing summit overlooking a river. i want my parents to come over and barbecue with us. heck, let's have neighbors too. let's all gather round.

i want to know how to make clothes. how to augment clothes. this, i feel, is a very lucrative skill to have, especially as a mom. and as a lover of good style.

basically i long for the beauty i feel that i do not have. i am so grateful for the joy my husband and kids bring, but i do feel like there is more.