it gives me great satisfaction to pen an entry from inside the workplace, in a conference room, in the middle of this soulless job. it gives me a sense of self. i'm still me, this little voice of consciousness reaching out through the physical world, like the homunculus. wow, homunculus. i'm pleasantly surprised when i can conjure up random big words like that - makes me still feel smart.
i long to learn and live smartly, but instead i veer towards mindlessness. and that shouldn't surprise me, because i spend hours of each workday doing things i care little about. sometimes i think we need to make the most of our situation, and find things to care about. other times i look around and see people make it doing other things - blogging, making jewelry, running a cafe - and think, wtf, why am i committing so much time here. ok the pay is undeniable. no way could i be a blogger and make enough to support myself in this city. those people have got to have trust funds.
i want to re-focus on the basics. health, wellness. i don't want to let my current health issues set me back. if i need surgery and other treatment then so be it. but tomorrow, i want to go running. i want to eat fresh vegetables and good meat. i'm reading the Omnivore's Dilemma and it's wretched. i want my son to eat the best food he can. if he can skip out on chicken nuggets his entire life, that would be phenomenal.
the weather certainly helps. once it gets warmer i'll want to spend time outside. but lately, i feel like i have low energy levels, and i'm gaining weight, and i'm generally blah. if i spend so much blah time at work, i want to make my non-work time as blah-free as can be. as blah-free as can be: a mantra for today's working woman.
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